Saturday, September 13, 2014

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"If I weren't with you right now, I'd probably be a totally different person." 


August 31, 2014 8:53 pm

Dear Vincent, 

I don't know why I'm writing to you. I guess I just felt like sharing stuff. 

I've had my fair share of failed relationships. There's one that bothers me everyday and it's not even my own. How does one fall out of love? Do they realize it one morning when they wake up, that the person sleeping beside them is not the one they wanted in the first place? Do they realize it when they see the other washing the dishes on the sink, and all her glow has disappeared? Do they realize it when they're having a conversation, and the voice they're hearing is not as interesting as it used to be? Or is it because their parents said that they weren't made for each other? 

I don't know about you, but I don't want to wake up one morning and suddenly realize that I don't really love you. 

We don't meet as often as we used to be, so every time we meet, it's like meeting again for the first time. You still have the same amount of magic in you when you first smiled at me. Every time I look at you when you're approaching me, it's like I'm looking at magic, like always. 

My father said that if it's any consolation, he's actually glad that you understand my... strangeness. (Yeah, because not even my parents can understand... my strangeness.) I've never met anyone who'd travel for three hours just to meet me for one, or eat all of my leftovers because it'd be a waste. 

A few more months from now, we'll be on our fourth year together as lovers and best friends... I don't know what you think, but I think that you still have the same amount of magic in you when you first smiled at me. Probably even more, but it's magic. 

Yes, there was magic when you approached me yesterday, with your striped shirt, bright smile and warm embrace...

Maybe I'm freaking paranoid, but every time I pass by a failing / failed relationship, I get so scared, thinking that we're next... 

That night on your birthday, when I cried because I didn't know how to talk to your family, I was so afraid that they wouldn't like me for you. I felt stupid, pulling away when I knew that they were trying to reach out for me. 

I don't want to end up like them, the one with the failed relationship that I've been thinking about for quite some time now.

I cried a bit more when we were on our way home, and I prayed to God that He'd let me keep you for the rest of my life. I don't want you to fall out of love with me, and I don't want to fall out of love either. All in all, I'm just a really fat scaredy cat. 

How does one fall out of love anyway? Is it when they see some habits as "cute" before and now it's just annoying as crap? Is it when they don't want to hear some nonsense rambling about how their day went? Is it when the voice that says, "I love you" just doesn't sound so pleasant anymore that they want to get rid of it right away? How? 


I don't know about you, but I don't want to wake up one morning, so annoyed at your voice... and suddenly realizing that I don't love you anymore. 

Just the thought of falling out of love with you and breaking up... It's terrible. (Oh, fak I'm crying again.)

I want to make everything work for the both of us. A day will come that compromising won't work and one of us will have to give way to the other. We will argue, talk crap at each other and maybe feel like we love each other a little less than before, but I'll never give up on us, and I know that you won't, either. Our kind of love doesn't happen all the time. 

You told me not to doubt you, so I won't anymore. You love me. It's not just a feeling anymore. It's a fact. 

One day, I'll be able to spend more time with your family, and I hope that I won't be such an awkward duck when that day comes.

In the end, all I really want to say is I love you. It's not just a feeling anymore. It's a proven fact. You are made up of a wonderful kind of magic, and I am keeping you for the rest of my life, whether you like it or not. 

All of my love, 

Your sugarplum princess sweetypie bibe, 


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