Wednesday, August 13, 2014

At the age of 18, I expected my life to be completely in order. I told myself that once I graduate, I'll get a nice, enjoyable and well-paying job so that I can treat my parents to coffee. 

I'm now 21, on my second college course, jobless, but blessed. And though there are moments that I pity myself because of the unlikely circumstance I got myself into, I realized three things. 

One, you have a choice. I could've chosen to disobey my parents and get a job once I graduated, but then again, I probably wouldn't be writing this if I ever did that. 

Two, sometimes the choice you make is not for you, it's not what's planned for you. 

Three, God has a choice as well, and even His foolish choice will always be better than my wisest decision. 

(It's strange, having to choose God when I had nothing else to choose from. Though strange it may be, He should always be the first choice.) 

At the age of 18, I was lost and confused. I had no idea where to stand and stay. My idea of a perfect life after 18 started crumbling to the ground. But there was something. I had another option... 

When I turned 18, I chose God. Like what I said, I could've chosen to not actually listen to my parents and grab a job somewhere... But I knew for a fact that that wasn't where I was supposed to be. 

Then... Then I realize that I really shouldn't pity myself. I am where God wants me to be, and wherever He will lead me, I will follow. 

I too have my own struggles, internal struggles with my inner demons. They delude me, whispering and saying that I am not a chosen one, and that things of this world are more precious than the word of God. I tried not to listen, but the more I tried, the louder the whispers got. They were telling me that God made a mistake in choosing me, and there will be better ones to replace me. 

I was about to believe it them, but I remembered that my God makes no mistakes. 

You see, when God chooses you, there's the illusion of a choice. You can say yes, or you can say no. If I hadn't chosen Him that day I turned 18, He'd still choose me, no matter what. The choice to choose Him will appear again and again, and the illusion of a choice will be there as well. Why am I calling it an illusion? Because even though it appears that you're making a choice, to say yes or no, what you say doesn't matter because all that matters is God's choice. 

A lot of people have told me that I am destined for something, something for God, and it frightens me. Then I remember... No matter what happens, He will never leave me. If He wishes for me to be scarred on my way, I know that it won't be without healing. I will bare the scars, for those aren't just any scars, but badges of valor. 

I know that He's keeping me close by for a reason. I may not know why yet, but I'm sure that He will unfold it before me Himself. 

This is my ministry. I don't know what it's called, but primarily, it's spreading God's love wherever I go. 

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