Thursday, April 25, 2013

19 years, 11 months, and 24 days

And exactly six days before my birthday. 

I don't know. Is there a feeling that I'm supposed to be feeling right now? 

Well, looking back at my previous and final exploits as a teen, I guess you can say that I am completely prepared for adulthood. It what way, you ask? 

My want for wild things is gone. I no longer crave and rave for wildly-tinted hair and nail polished fingers. Thoughts of adventures to faraway places? Gone with the wind. 

To be honest, I find it quite disheartening for me to outgrow what seems to be silly, girlish dreams. Throughout my seven teenage years, I had nothing much on my mind but fun and sunny never-ending days with my friends, nights spent just dancing under the moonlight and sugar-sprinkled dreams of having twins with the only guy I ever had a lasting relationship with. 

I feel rather awful that I have to bury these dreams alive because I'm no longer a "child". That's one painful truth about growing up. People can say things or sing about "never growing up", but it's still an inevitability. When you're faced with a decision you have to make with your mind, not your heart, that's when you realize that you can't stay young or "never grow up" forever. 

These past days, I've been making decisions on my own. That's when I realized that I'm not a kid anymore. 

Some kids say that they're "a big boy/girl now" just because they can tie their own shoelaces or they can cross the street on their own. For me, it's not like that. While I'm 19, I'm still a kid, and I'm torn. 

You guys over there, rushing adulthood and jumping into irreversible things... I swear to you all, you will regret it. 

When I was 13, my dad decided on where I was gonna attend high school. I never doubted his decision once because I enjoyed my high school days. Just this morning, we went to La Salle Antipolo to inqure about application. Just like before, I never doubted his decision. My decision to study at Miriam College was a flop. That's because I wanted to be independent. It's normal, I know, but look at what happened. 

Now all I want to do is be babied as much as I can. 

But I know that I can't be anymore. 

Adulthood is a strange place to be in for me, but I have to get used to it. The "eternally 16" act has to go, and so does all the other silly, childish things. 

I'm sorry if you had to read through such a mess. Just a young girl preparing for her third-time coming-of age! 

PS: I'm telling you, let your parents decide for you while they can. Let them choose everything for you. Trust their decisions. Don't think that you know everything. Just. Don't. 

Other than that, never, ever let the spirit of adventure die. Never. 

I believe that I just need a small spark to light up mine. 

Then again, adulthood's just one big adventure all over again, albeit a bit messier.


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